Summary: Somebody had to tell him…missing scene fic for Three Words
Originally posted 4 Aug 2001
Author: Circe Invidiosa
Rating: PG-13
Classification: S, A, missing scene for Three Words (lots of Doggett…deal with it…)
Spoilers: Season 8 up to and including Three Words, and a nod to The Lone Gunmen series
Archive: Yours for the asking
Disclaimer: I make no claims on any of the characters or the show. They are property of Fox and its companies.
Acknowledgements: thanks to Carol A. for the beta
“Byers, tell her to get the hell out of here,” Mulder hissed as loudly as he could into the mike of his headset. “Tell her I’ll meet her at home.”
Doggett had had no choice but to follow Mulder out of the building. Mulder wouldn’t speak to him and he didn’t have the benefit of the Gunmen’s voices guiding him. They crept along the walls crouching and running when they could. Now they hunkered down in the shadows and waited as the military search parties regrouped and began to leave. One jeep remained.
He heard Mulder whisper again, “Well, you’ll just have to stay put until you can see a clear way out. Yeah, disconnect this line before they discover our connection…Don’t worry, I’ll get there.” Mulder was eyeing Doggett as he said the last sentence.
“Where’s your vehicle?” Mulder asked gruffly.
When Doggett realized Mulder was actually speaking to him, he pointed into the distance and whispered hoarsely, “A way’s away. I didn’t think it would be wise to be spotted.” There was sarcasm in Doggett’s voice.
Doggett didn’t need this. He didn’t need Mulder’s scorn when all he was trying to do was help. But then, as he thought about it, it had taken Doggett months to get Scully to see that. And here in living colour was the source of her paranoia.
Mulder apparently chose to ignore him. He craned his neck around the corner to get a better look at the remaining jeep. “There’s still a group of them in the building. We can’t be sure that some of them aren’t searching the rest of the premises.”
“Do the Gunmen still have control of the cameras?” Doggett asked.
Surprise registered on Mulder’s face. Of course, Mulder probably didn’t know that Doggett knew the Gunmen, and Doggett had no idea what everyone had been telling Mulder about him. He asked, in order to explain, “You said you were talkin’ to Byers, right?” Mulder looked away again and said, “They had to disengage before they were discovered.”
“How are they gonna get out?”
“They’ll manage,” answered Mulder, through clenched jaws.
“That’s it? You’re just gonna leave ’em there?” Doggett asked in disbelief. He had understood that the Gunmen were among Mulder’s very few friends.
“What do you suggest? That I help them like you helped me? Expose them to the threat of discovery?”
Exasperated, Doggett replied, “I told you, I was set up too. Why would I come get you if I was trying to expose you?”
“You can’t be a double agent unless you play both sides. You might have Scully fooled, but I see through you.”
Doggett stared at him in disbelief. He shook his head. He’d had enough. He suddenly stood up straight and said out loud, “You believe what you want, but don’t bring Agent Scully into this.” Then he stalked off in plain view.
He didn’t look back. He wouldn’t give Mulder the satisfaction. He was sure Mulder was pissed off with him and stunned at his boldness. And Doggett wanted him to be. He didn’t care if he got caught. Maybe then Mulder might believe him. But he knew Mulder wouldn’t. The guy would make a conspiracy of anything Doggett did.
Doggett heard running footfall closing in behind him. He was caught.
Doggett stopped and stood still waiting for the press of a gun in his back. Instead he felt the slap of a hand across his shoulder as Mulder ran past him. “Let’s go! Move!”
Doggett responded by breaking into a sprint to catch up to Mulder. He looked back expecting to see an army pursuing them. There was no one. The coast had been clear. Doggett’s angry defiance had shown Mulder that they weren’t being watched, and Mulder had seized the opportunity and made a run for it. Now Mulder was pulling Doggett along because he needed him in order to get back to Scully.
He momentarily considered stopping again. Doggett was feeling indignant and defiant at Mulder’s assumption that he would help him now. Who the hell did this guy think he was?
But then he remembered why he was out there in the first place: Agent Scully.
He was worried about her. He’d been worried about her since they found Mulder dead. He didn’t know how one person could endure so much grief. He knew she had pulled herself together for the baby’s sake, but he didn’t know how.
Doggett had stayed on with the X-Files long after everyone would have expected him to ask for a transfer. He surprised Kersh, Skinner, and himself when he said he’d have to think about the promotion that Kersh dangled in front of him. He knew why though. He had made up his mind that he had to look out for her. He knew she had more than enough people looking out for her, but it didn’t assuage his guilt. He needed to do more, but he didn’t know how or even whether she’d let him, so he stayed in the hopes that she would. He wondered if she wanted him to stay because she had never mentioned him leaving or transferringuntil the day Kersh made the offer.
His biggest worry about digging up Mulder’s body was how it would affect her. Her pregnancy was not easy. She had been in and out of hospitals for as long as they had been partners. The stress of exhuming the past would be too much for her. He would never have told her if he’d had the choice, regardless of the fact that they had found Mulder alive but not alive. He would have waited. What if Mulder died again? Why should she have to live with burying him again? And if Mulder lived, wouldn’t it have been better for her and the baby to know that he would make it? He was angry with Skinner for telling her right away. She had a right to know, Skinner argued with him later. He couldn’t deny that, but he wasn’t happy about it either.
Doggett pushed these thoughts aside as he continued to run, reminding himself that his goal was to get Mulder out of there. Once they were off the premises, Doggett took the lead. “This
way,” he directed Mulder, running towards his truck. He had parked blocks away in a public street in order to not draw suspicion.
Doggett stood by the door of his truck rummaging through his pocket for the keys. Mulder came up beside him instead of waiting by the passenger door.
“Give me the keys,” Mulder ordered.
Doggett looked at him incredulously, and said with annoyance, “No. Just get in.”
“I’m not letting you take me anywhere.”
“Well, I don’t see how you have much choice in the matter here. It’s my goddamned truck and I drive it.”
Mulder repeated, “You’re not taking me anywhere.”
“Look, I’m taking you back to Agent Scully like I promised and that’s final. Now get in!”
Mulder lunged at Doggett.
————–
Scully drove home. She didn’t know what else to do. She had waited as long as she could for Mulder without drawing suspicion. She finally left when Byers told her Mulder would meet her at home. She just assumed he meant her home. Now doubt made her worry he meant his home.
Her cell phone let her know that Skinner had called her six times. She should call him back to let him know that she was all right, but Skinner would want answers and she couldn’t give them to him yet.
She was absolutely helpless. She couldn’t call Mulder or Doggett. If they were still stuck in the building, their phones might reveal their location. She couldn’t take the chance that they had turned their ringers off.
She parked in her usual spot and sat for a moment trying to decide what her next move should be. Everything that happened this evening had been against her better judgement. She wished Agent Doggett had never approached her outside her building. She wished she hadn’t gone back in. She wished she hadn’t told Mulder the password.
But what choice had she really had in the end? Mulder needed to understand what had happened to him. He desperately needed some form of justice in order to move on. She just hoped that by the end of it all that they would move on together.
She knew he needed time. Time heals all wounds, she thought wistfully, knowing full well that all the platitudes in the world were not going to make her feel any better. She picked up her cell phone and was preparing to hoist herself out of the car when she felt a flutter across her belly. She sat back and smoothed her hand over the tremor. Tears were beginning to sting her eyes again. Time also waits for no one…
———–
Doggett wasn’t expecting Mulder to move quite so fast, and the thought that flashed through Doggett’s mind, as his head smashed back onto the tempered glass was that they didn’t have time for
this. He ended up pinned against the truck door with Mulder’s forearm across his throat.
He could feel Mulder’s voice spitting on his face as Mulder yelled into it. “Like you promised? Like your promise to find me? You don’t get to make her any more fucking promises!”
Doggett wasn’t thinking anymore as he let impulse and training take over. Mulder was leaning into him and had left enough room between them for Doggett’s knee to connect with Mulder’s body. Doggett wasn’t even sure where he connected, but the impact was enough to surprise Mulder and knock him backward.
Mulder took a second to shake off the counterattack, and then lunged at Doggett again. This time Doggett expected it and moved to dodge Mulder, grabbing his arm as he passed, twisting it behind him, and shoving him against the truck.
Doggett spoke angrily into Mulder’s ear. “Are you gonna listen to me, or do we have to dance again?”
Even though it was late in the evening, Mulder and Doggett were beginning to draw a crowd. Doggett increased the pressure on Mulder’s arm until Mulder relented. A uniformed police officer soon approached them and asked if everything was all right.
Doggett answered, “Yeah, sorry officer, everything’s fine. My friend here just had one too many and stumbled.”
“Is that right?” the officer asked Mulder. Mulder held his now sore arm and simply nodded as Doggett had hoped he would. There was no sense in drawing any more attention to themselves, still being so close to the Census building.
The officer turned to Doggett and asked, “You okay to drive?”
“Yes, officer.” replied Doggett.
The officer seemed satisfied. “Okay, you make sure he gets home in one piece.”
“I intend to.”
Mulder glared at Doggett as the policeman turned to leave. Doggett glared back as he took the keys from his pocket. He got in the driver’s side of the truck, started the engine, and waited for Mulder to get in.
Doggett stared out the windshield not looking at Mulder and barely waited for the passenger door to slam before taking off. He didn’t even allow Mulder time to put on his seatbelt and felt some satisfaction at the sound of Mulder’s head smacking into the headrest of his seat.
——————-
In her apartment, Scully waited for any sign that Mulder and Doggett had made it out. She couldn’t sit still. Restless, she moved between the kitchen table and her couch. She could only sit for a moment before becoming anxious enough that she had to move. She clutched both her cell phone and her cordless phone. Every time she sat, she stared at them, willing either of them to ring.
Whenever she sat at her table, she remembered why she moved to the living room. Her laptop was still there with the damned drive she and Mulder had taken from evidence. It was the reason for his insane quest tonight. Whenever she looked at it, his hurtful words about her attempts to stop him came back to her and she would pull herself up from the wooden chair to move back to the couch.
She understood his desire for retribution. She had felt it too when she was returned. But she had also felt a resigned helplessness. What was the sense in shaking her fist at the sky? Why waste that energy on the faceless individuals who took her when there was work to be done? There was no one she could direct her anger at, so she fell into her work and immersed herself in forgetting.
But the injustice of his disappearance, the dead end leads brought back the desire for vengeance, and again she poured that energy into work with the conviction that it would help them find him… but all that anger, frustration, ambition and energy left her with the discovery of his body. And this time, all she had left was the resigned helplessness.
The unfairness of it all was not to her but to the baby. The baby would have plenty of male influence in its life. So many friends were more than willing to be a father figure. Skinner had become overprotective of her. Doggett offered tidbits of advice about what he remembered of his ex-wife’s pregnancy. The Gunmen had become keen on babysitting after an adventure with a Senator’s baby. Even their friend Jimmy wanted to be involved. But it wasn’t supposed to be like that.
She and Mulder had never discussed how a child of theirs would be raised. So much of their time and effort had been placed on her getting pregnant; there was barely room for thinking of what would come after. It seemed like they both assumed that he would be there as he always was there. And when they had given up hope on conceiving, there was no point in discussing it. In their grief, they moved on into the new facet of their relationship so seamlessly. It seemed like a natural progression.
Learning she was pregnant at the same time she learned of Mulder’s disappearance, Scully had felt like she had been immersed in a bad soap opera plot. Her mother would have called this a test of her character and her faith. She’d been through nearly eight years of tests. How much more did she need to go through to find out if she had passed?
She prayed. She prayed for what she knew was impossible. She prayed that it really was a soap opera and she would wake up soon to find that whole season had been a dream and that things were back to normal. And she prayed to Mulder when she’d finally reasoned enough with herself that she couldn’t have the unattainable. She spoke to him in her prayers. She wondered if he ever heard her. She was too afraid of his answer to ask him.
But her prayers had been answered as Mulder had pointed out. Her wildest dreams had come true. Mulder was alive again and she was pregnant. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Careful what you wish for, Starbuck. She could almost hear Ahab’s lecture from her childhood again.
What did she expect from Mulder? When he first came to, she was relieved to see his impish self, but when he started getting answers to his inevitable questions, he became sullen. As soon as Scully told him he’d been gone for about six months, although he was so weak, his face still fell. When she recounted the story about finding him dead, according to all the physical evidence, with all hope having disappeared along with Jeremiah Smith, Mulder simply nodded. She felt like he silently blamed her for not believing enough, and she took it as a sign that she had been right for blaming herself all along.
Then his snide comments started. About being taken, about not being found, about being dead. It was hard to listen to him, but she excused him to herself, reasoning that he’d been through so much and he has too much to take in right now.
He brought up the baby by asking if it was his weakened eyes, or was she walking funny. With even more tears in her eyes and a small smile, she said, “I didn’t know how to tell you…” After her account, all he asked her was her due date. When he heard her answer, he seemed to do some mental calculations and then just nodded silently.
When she brought him home, and he told her he wasn’t ready to deal with it all yet, it stung, but she accepted it. Later, her heart did a small leap when he made a remark to Skinner about her giving birth in six weeks. That he would remember that detail gave her hope. But it would turn out to be a short-lived joy.
She refused to let herself use the baby as a way to manipulate Mulder into backing off from his current objective. She knew it would drive him further away. She wouldn’t use the same tactics she had seen her mother use during her childhood whenever things were tough. She cringed when Langly had mentioned the baby to Mulder, and when the Gunmen had made an obvious ploy to hamper Mulder’s efforts after she had asked them to be discreet. But she fervently hoped it would have an effect. Instead, he made her feel like she was in the way, and the sting was more painful this time.
Scully’s mind turned back to the present with another kick from her belly. It isn’t supposed to be like this, she thought.
——————-
They drove in silence, both fuming, until Doggett finally spoke, “I don’t care what you believe, Agent Mulder. I did what I could with what I had to find you. We all did.”
Mulder snorted, “Yeah, right. If you had you’re way, I’d still be buried.”
“If I had my way, you’d have been found alive!”
Doggett yelled louder than he expected to. An uneasy silence fell between the two. Doggett couldn’t keep his thoughts straight. He felt angry and yet guilty. He broke the silence again. “Look, I’m sorry for what you went through. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“What do you know about being dead?”
Doggett muttered, “More than you’d think.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Doggett didn’t even know how to begin to explain. He thought about mentioning the soul eater who saved his life during his quest to retrace Mulder’s steps. Maybe it would impress Mulder, but now wasn’t the time. Instead, he shook his head and replied, “Nothing.”
Doggett continued, “What I’m trying to say is that no one can ever know what you went through and I don’t even pretend to. But I do know what Agent Scully went through.”
Mulder interrupted, “And now you want me to feel guilty about that?”
“No! For Chrissakes, will you let me talk here?”
Mulder made a mock gesture for Doggett to continue. Doggett sighed. What a stubborn SOB, he thought. He was still waiting to see what it was about Mulder that made him worth all the effort everyone had expended on him. He was still waiting to catch a glimpse of what it was about Mulder that had captured Agent Scully’s devotion.
He finally said, “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I just want you to know what Agent Scully went through so you’ll cut her some slack. God knows she needs it.” He paused and then scolded Mulder, “You shouldn’t have brought Agent Scully tonight.”
“I didn’t bring her. She came along of her own accord,” Mulder answered.
Doggett retorted, “But you didn’t stop her.”
“She can take care of herself,” Mulder muttered.
“I know that. I know that as well as anybody. She’s not helpless. But it’s a different situation now.”
“I’m aware.”
“Are you? You can’t expect her to follow you. She’s pregnant and she hasn’t had an easy time of it.”
“You expect me to believe that you give a damn about her?” Mulder shot back at him.
Doggett shook his head and said, “You just don’t quit, do you? It doesn’t matter what you think about me or how I feel. What matters here is her, her health, and her baby. She risked all of it to find you. And I’m still trying to figure out why you’re worth it. So if you wanna be mad at somebody, you go ahead and be mad at me. But she doesn’t deserve it.”
Mulder looked directly at Doggett now, and asked, “What do you mean, she risked all of it?”
Doggett was confused. Didn’t anyone tell him what Scully went through to get him back? Couldn’t he have even guessed what she was doing all those months? Did he think that they just sat on their asses waiting for him to show up one day?
Doggett felt a shove to his upper arm. “What do you mean?” Mulder asked again impatiently.
“I mean that she put herself in reckless situations that she should never have been in,” Doggett answered. Mulder looked unimpressed so Doggett continued, “You really want to know? All right. She’s been in hospitals more times in the last six months than I’d like to count. She’s regularly admitted for abdominal pain, which the doctors say is due to stress. One day she ditched me and got taken prisoner by some cult that decided to insert their messiah into her spine. To this day, I don’t even know what I cut out of her back. You want me to go on? She had the crap beaten out of her by something that she was convinced knew where you were and that somehow turned to green goo…”
Mulder interrupted angrily, “You were supposed to be her partner. Why didn’t you look out for her?”
“I did! I tried! If she had even told me she was pregnant to begin with, I can assure you, she wouldn’t have put herself in so much goddamned danger. But because of the number you did on her head, she didn’t think she could tell anyone. Did she tell you she had an amnio done because she thought the kid was an alien? Did she tell you she tried to walk out of the hospital right after because she thought the staff was in on it?”
The words had poured out of Doggett’s mouth. He wanted Mulder to see, but he hadn’t intended to blurt it all out. Maybe he needed to get it out as much as he felt Mulder needed to hear it. Part of him wished he hadn’t said so much so quickly…so angrily. He turned his eyes off the road to look at Mulder.
Mulder’s eyes had closed and he was taking deep breaths. Suddenly, Mulder struck the dashboard repeatedly with his palms as a string of profanities roared out of his mouth. Doggett pulled the truck over to the curb and turned off the engine to let Mulder’s outburst subside.
Mulder said under his breath, “You did this to her.”
“I didn’t do a damn thing to her. I tried to be her friend. She never gave up, even when everyone else had, even when we found you. And when she had no choice but to believe the evidence at hand, that you were dead, it just about killed her. It shut her down. I don’t know how someone under that much stress and in that much pain got through what she got through, but she did. And I’m not going to let you put her back in that place. Whatever you went through, you’re gonna need help dealing with that, and I hope to God you get it. But she needs something too. If you can’t be that something, I hope you have the decency to step away and not make her go through losing you that way again.”
Mulder shook his head and said, “I wasn’t talking to you.” It took Doggett a moment to understand.
“What do you know about her baby?” Mulder asked quietly.
“Only what the doctors told me three months ago. It’s healthy,” replied Doggett. He tried to make his answer sound positive.
Mulder did not seem relieved by this information. He said nothing and simply stared at his knees. Mulder’s guilt had made Doggett feel regretful in turn. If the situation had been different, he began to think, then stopped himself. There was no point in ‘what ifs’ anymore. But he took no victory in getting through to Mulder.
Doggett added softly, “Look, she’s got you back. Let her have that…Let yourself.”
Mulder still said nothing and Doggett realized the argument was over. He started the engine and before Doggett pulled away from the curb, he saw Mulder pull out his cell phone and press a button. He glanced to see “Scully” across the illuminated screen before Mulder put the phone to his ear.
————–
Her phone rang. She didn’t even wait for the caller ID to tell her who it was. Impatience and anxiety got the better of her. All night, she just punched ‘TALK’ whenever her phone rang. She had to cut conversations with Skinner and the Gunmen short, reassuring them that she was fine and that she’d call when she heard from Mulder or Doggett.
She answered the phone as she had all night. “Mulder?”
This time, she got the answer she hoped for. “Yeah Scully, it’s me.”
She gasped with relief. “Thank God. Are you all right?”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s Agent Doggett?”
There was a pause before she heard him sigh and answer. “He’s here.” She detected resentment in his voice and decided against asking for more details.
“The Gunmen…they called and said you got out of the building before them. I was so worried…”
He replied, “I know. I should have called earlier. I’m okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” she answered hesitantly, knowing that he would hang up as soon as she agreed. She wanted to keep him on the phone for as long as possible to reassure herself that he was indeed all right.
Instead of the expected click, she heard him sigh again. “Scully, are you okay?”
She was caught off guard and answered, “Yeah, I’m fine, Mulder.”
She heard what she thought was a small chuckle from the other end. Then he said, “Okay…A few minutes.” She heard the customary click this time.
She moved as fast as she could out of her apartment and stood out on the street waiting for Mulder to appear. She hadn’t even realized that she’d forgotten her coat until she tried to pull her cardigan tighter around her to fend off the icy breeze. The baby moved furiously to let her know that the cold was not appreciated. Just a bit longer, she thought, trying to placate the rumbling.
In the distance she could see approaching headlights. She finally breathed with relief when she recognized the pickup truck.
It stopped before her building. Scully watched as Mulder pulled himself out of the passenger side and slammed the door without an acknowledgment to the driver. He moved straight to her, shaking his head. “Scully, what the hell are you doing out here? It’s freezing.” He took her cold hands into his.
She was surprised at his gesture of comfort and familiarity. It had been so long since he had reached for her. Against her will, she let out a sob as he rubbed warmth into her hands. And suddenly she didn’t care if he was still angry, if he wasn’t ready yet, or if she was being selfish. Desperately, she grabbed a hold of him and embraced him tightly, burying her face into his chest. She felt his arms gingerly encircle her. She felt his hands stroke her back and she heard him whisper, “It’s okay. I’m here.” She knew she couldn’t stop the tears now if she tried.
Still holding onto Mulder, Scully looked out to the street to see Doggett’s truck still there. He was watching them with a sad gaze. She knew he was waiting to make sure everything was all right. When she caught his eye, she gave him a feeble smile. He nodded to her, and then pulled away.