Rating - PG13 
Category - MSR 
Spoilers - Post all things, mentions scene from Triangle. 
Summary - Scully recalls what happened after falling asleep on 
Mulder's couch. 
Disclaimer - I make no claims on the characters. All characters 
are property of 1013 Productions, Chris Carter, and Fox. 


She left the building. The wind slammed the door shut behind 
her. She hurried across the street to her parked car, 
struggling to keep her overcoat around her as the wind whipped 
about her. Once in the car, she took a deep breath and exhaled 
slowly. What am I doing, she thought, why am I running? She 
had two choices: she could go back into the apartment she just 
left, or go home. Leaving made this evening sordid in a way, as 
if it was a mistake. But the prospects of staying were 
distressing. It would mean change. She wasn't sure she wanted 
that. 

It was so late. She could see the horizon starting to lighten 
with the impending sunrise. Why was she making things so 
difficult for herself at this ungodly hour? She started the car 
and drove away... 

------------------------------------ 

He woke up. The wind was really strong. That must have 
been what woke him. He could hear the trees rustling near his 
window. He realised he was alone and that didn't seem right. 
His mind was still foggy with sleep. Was he dreaming that she 
had been there? "Dana?" he called out surprising himself, not 
quite realising he said it out loud. "Scully?" he called this 
time figuring she might not respond to a name he called her so 
infrequently. There was no response. He rolled over and sank 
back into the bed. He considered phoning her, but to say what? 
Come back? She must have left for a reason. He was slightly 
annoyed, but sleep soon overcame his displeasure. 

------------------------------------- 

Dana settled into her own bed. The sheets were so cold she 
shivered. She pulled the comforter under her chin and tried to 
wrap it even further around her. She looked at the clock. She 
worried, God, how am I ever going to get to sleep now? Her mind 
was ablaze. Tomorrow is going to be awkward. What if he wants 
to discuss it? What if he doesn't? Wouldn't that be worse? How 
would she explain why she left? I have to slow down, she told 
herself. She rolled over to look out the window. She watched 
the trees swaying violently in the wind. Her mind began to go 
over what happened that night... 

----------------------------------- 

Scully awoke to find herself lying down on Mulder's couch. Her 
head was in his lap. She vaguely remembered him moving her 
while she dozed. He muttered something about it not being good 
for her neck. She remembered feeling too sleepy to fight him. 
She looked up at him now. His face was illuminated by the 
television. His head was tilted back and his eyes were shut. 
She noticed the stubble starting to grow along his jaw line. 
She continued to gaze at him and she was overcome with an urge 
to reach up touch his cheek, but she resisted. Suddenly she 
felt uncomfortable by his proximity and she sat up sliding along 
the couch to put some distance between them. His head snapped 
up. He shut off the TV, "Sorry I guess I dozed off. You okay?" 

"Yeah," she replied rubbing her eyes. "How long was I asleep?" 

Mulder told her, "About an hour. You should go back to sleep; 
you're exhausted." She made an uncommitted nod. His voice had 
a mixture of tenderness and concern, "Look, Scully, you can stay 
here. I'll take the couch...Have you been sleeping at all 
lately?" 

Scully's fingers ran through her hair pulling the errant strands 
out of her face to the back of her neck. She ignored everything 
but his question, "The last few days have been kind of 
stressful. I've had a lot to think about." 

He seemed amused by this. "What's so funny?" she asked. 
"Nothing really. I just started to wonder if maybe your 
extraordinary experiences over the last few days were due to a 
lack of sleep. And I realized, that it sounded like you when 
you try to rationalize our cases." Her eyebrow arched, "Try?" 
She rolled her eyes, "How cute. Are we beginning to resemble 
each other too? Should we buy matching sweat suits yet?" He 
just grinned at her and she stifled a yawn. They both sat back 
on his couch. 

They were quiet but they were relaxed. She started playing with 
her hands so that she wouldn't have to look at him. She renewed 
the subject they were discussing before she fell asleep, "I've 
been thinking a lot about regrets lately. This whole thing with 
Daniel has really brought a lot of things into focus." He was 
watching her, "What do you regret?" He wasn't really sure he 
wanted to hear this. 

"It's not so much regrets, I guess. It's the 'what ifs'. Like 
if I had practiced medicine, I might not be with Daniel. I 
could have left him without leaving the profession. I didn't 
have to run away all together. I'd certainly have made my 
family happy..." she trailed off. 

She could see his thoughts continued where she left off, listing 
off what she never would have lost or endured simply for being 
his partner. 

"Do you regret not choosing medicine?" he finally asked 
swallowing hard. She wondered if he was really asking if she 
regretted being with him. 

She looked at him now, "I've told you before that I always 
wanted to do something so that I could make a difference. That's 
why I went into medicine, to have a bigger more direct impact on 
humanity than physics could provide me. But I've learned and seen 
so much here that I would never have encountered in any doctor's 
office or hospital. I never would have imagined the things I've 
discovered. It would be hard to say that I regret this choice. 
I would have never met you for one thing...and of course I 
couldn't regret what I didn't know, but I'd probably feel like I 
was missing something." 

He pressed her, encouraged with her mention of him, "Do you 
feel like you're missing something now because of the choice you 
made?" 

"I don't know. When I made the choice to enter the FBI, I 
figured I could always go back to medicine someday. I think 
it's still in the back of my mind. But I often wonder how I can 
go from this to the everyday life of medical practice. I know 
it has it's own excitement, but I can't see how it could 
compare." 

She was more awake now. She asked him now, "What about you, 
Mulder? Do you regret completely devoting yourself to a cause 
that some might think unrewarding?" 

"You think it's unrewarding?" 

"I didn't say that. In fact, I just said the complete opposite 
if I recall correctly," she retorted. 

"Sorry, I went on the defensive. Instinct," he apologized. She 
nodded in reply, "Well? 

He shrugged, "Well, I think about what could have been all the 
time. But I don't dwell on it too long. For some reason, it 
seemed like there was never an opportunity to make another 
choice." 

They were quiet again. Scully was looking at her hands again. 
She was trying to form another question. At last she spoke 
almost haltingly, "Do you remember when we found you in the 
Bermuda Triangle, when you woke up in the hospital? Do you 
remember what you said to me?" 

He was momentarily stunned. She turned to see the shock 
register on his face. He couldn't believe she was asking him 
this. He wasn't even sure he heard her right. She was almost 
whispering. It had been nearly two years since that incident 
had happened and they had never mentioned it since. She could 
hardly believe she got the words out. 

"That I would never see you again?" he asked her. He knew full 
well that this wasn't what she meant, but he wanted to make sure 
it wasn't just his wishful thinking. "No, after that," she 
wouldn't say the words. "Yeah, I remember," he decided not to 
say them either, recalling how she rebuffed him after he had 
said the words, "What about it?" 

She turned away from him again. She asked, "Do you regret it?" 

He asked incredulously, "What? Saying it?" 

She shrugged slightly, "Yeah". 

He paused for a moment as if he was trying to guess what she 
wanted to hear, "I can never regret telling you the truth." 

They were both quiet again. But this time the silence was 
heavier and uneasy. He finally spoke again, "I know you thought 
I was delirious at the time, Scully. But I knew what I was 
thinking and feeling. It just felt right to say it then. I was 
honestly grateful to see you and I wanted you to know that." 

She still said nothing and she still didn't look at him. She 
sat hunched over looking again at her hands. He moved to sit 
closer to her on the couch. He put a hand on her back. He 
spoke again softly, "I guess if there's anything I do regret 
about it, it's that I didn't tell you sooner, and that I haven't 
told you since. And that it took the prospect of never seeing 
you again to make me tell you at all." 

His moved his hand and began to rub her back. He continued 
trying to explain, "When they brought you back after your 
abduction, when you woke up, I refused to lose you again. I 
never thought I would. Even when you were sick it never 
occurred to me, it never sunk in that you would...that I'd 
actually lose you. Whether I had a dream or a hallucination on 
that ship or not, I saw the reality of losing you, of never 
having you in my life. And I knew if I ever saw you again that 
I had to tell you." 

She couldn't hear any more of this. She wondered what possessed 
her to even bring it up. Anxiety began to rise in her chest. 
She thought about leaving. She looked to the door wondering 
whether she would be able to make a break for it. But her eyes 
fell onto his jacket and hat lying in a heap on the floor. She 
remembered how she ran into him that day thinking he was the 
woman wearing the same jacket and cap she had seen over the last 
couple of days. You may want to slow down, the words Colleen 
spoke echoed in her mind. She buried her face in her hands. I 
need to slow down, she thought. She began to contemplate whether 
all her decisions that day had led her to this point. Rejecting 
Daniel's offer, opening herself up to holistic practices, going 
back to Mulder's apartment, asking him these questions, all these 
events brought her here, would she turn back now? Her 
conflicting emotions caused tears to well up in her eyes. She 
wiped at them. He noticed and gently pulled her hands away from 
her face and turned her to make her face him. 

He reached out and to move some hair away from her face. She 
didn't draw back although he thought she would. Instead, she 
caught his hand as he was pulling it back and held it to her 
lips. She kissed the palm of his hand. Then she looked up at 
him. Her hands moved to his face and she pulled him into hers. 
He responded to her and pressed his lips to hers. Her hands 
were an insistent pressure on the back of his head and it felt 
like she was pulling him further into their kiss. His hands 
were in her hair, on her back, on her waist; he wanted to be 
touching all of her. 

When they parted, she wrapped her arms around his neck and 
turned to whisper in his ear, "I love you." It was so easy to 
say. Why had she never said it? His arms wound together around 
her back and he held her tightly and said in return, "I love you 
too." He kissed and nuzzled her neck, breathing in the wisps 
of fading perfume. 

They continued to hold each other until their arms ached. She 
moved from the discomfort, and Mulder flinched away from her 
afraid she had changed her mind and was trying to pull away from 
him. "I'm sorry," he blurted out. 

She didn't say anything but grasped his arms to pull them around 
her again. She kissed him as she slid down to lie on the couch 
drawing him on top of her. He just stared down at her as if 
amazed. She asked, "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I just never would have guessed that 
this is what you meant by making me tea." 

She smiled, "Would you rather have tea now?" 

"No. I'm good." He added, "You're beautiful." 

She tried to shrug off the compliment and strained her neck to 
reach him in order to kiss him. She was never comfortable being 
admired for her looks, to her it meant she wasn't being seen for 
her intelligence or abilities. Maybe her reactions were 
reminiscent of her tomboy days. 

He didn't seem to notice how the compliment had affected her and 
kissed her in return. Their enthusiasm for each other was 
growing despite the fatigue they were both suffering. Their 
kisses were becoming more eager and exploring, intensifying their 
arousal. He pressed into her and she responded in kind. 

Unexpectedly, she began to gently pushed him from her. He 
withdrew puzzled and she stood up. He looked at her confused, 
"Are you leaving?" She shook her head, smiling, and took his 
hand to pull him up as well. He stood and he drew her to him to 
kiss her again. He understood and asked softly, "Are you sure?" 

She asked herself, is this slowing down? But wasn't seven years 
slow enough? She searched his face looking for her answer. She 
didn't make any reply, but took his hand and walked with him to 
his bedroom and closed the door behind them... 

-------------------------- 

Dana wasn't ready to remember what happened next. Her faced 
burned at those recollections. She felt embarrassed at her 
arousal when her mind glanced at those memories. And she felt 
even more shame for her embarrassment. Her memory skipped to 
when she woke up again. 

She had felt a momentary confusion and couldn't quite place 
where she was. It took her a few seconds to adjust to the 
surroundings and recognize them. She felt warmth against her 
and around her. She was lying with her back to Mulder and his 
arm was on top of her, holding her. She could hear a torrent of 
wind blasting against the window and she could barely hear him 
breathing quietly in her ear. 

She was having a dream that disturbed her enough to wake her, 
but now she couldn't remember what it was. She felt like it 
didn't matter. She felt comfortable and safe. She wished she 
could stay there forever. 

But she couldn't stop her thoughts from wandering to what would 
come next. And she began to panic thinking about how they were 
going to handle this new 'development'. The panic grew until she 
could no longer lie there. She gently moved his arm aside. He 
withdrew and made a small groan, but he didn't wake up. She 
slowly moved off the bed so that she wouldn't disturb him 
further. Searching around the dark, she gathered up her 
clothing and went into the bathroom... 

Dana's memories became blurry and she recognized the signs that 
she was finally falling asleep. 

---------------------------------- 

Mulder was in the elevator on his way down to his office. He 
was late getting into work because he slept in. He didn't think 
he would suffer from jet lag because he was only gone a couple 
of days. But he hadn't slept much when he was in England and 
didn't get much until quite late last night. 

Since he woke up that morning, he was contemplating how he was 
going to approach her today. That is, when he wasn't thinking 
about what happened. 

He walked down the narrow corridor and noticed that the door to 
his office was ajar. His pulse quickened. She was already 
there. He felt foolish. It's been seven years, and he can't 
stop the delight he feels every time he knows he's about to see 
her. Today, his excitement was mixed with anxiety though. 

He walked through the doorway. Scully was sitting at her 'area' 
of his office at her desktop. She was probably typing up the 
report of her involvement in his last adventure; one that he 
took alone, to his dismay. As much as he hated it, she still 
filed those damn reports that kept tabs on him. He knew she was 
filling them out to protect them both. She always showed them 
to him. She tried to give some legitimate scientific reasoning 
for everything that they experienced even when there really was 
none, in the hopes that they wouldn't be questioned further. 
But there was still the slant was that he was spooky and that 
his ideas were out there. At least this one will be short, he 
thought. 

She hadn't heard him come in. Mulder closed the door quietly 
and walked over to her. Scully jumped at his presence and 
looked up at him. He was caught off guard. He didn't expect 
her to look so tired. He could see her fatigue through her 
glasses. It made her look vulnerable. Any anger or resentment 
he felt about the previous night was gone and replaced with 
concern. 

"Dana..." he began. "Hi," she responded turning away from him. 

"You look terrible..." he started to say. "Thanks," she cut him 
off sarcastically before he could continue. She stared at her 
monitor and continued typing. Her wall was up. He hoped it 
wouldn't be a very high one. 

"I was going to ask if you got any more sleep last night," he 
said pointedly. He was trying not to get annoyed again. 

"I tried to. I did eventually." 

He decided to dive in, "You were sleeping just fine at my place. 
You didn't have to leave." 

"I know," she replied softly, "I'm sorry. I just...I don't think 
we should get into this right now. Not here..." She held up a 
pen. He remembered the listening device they had once found 
wrapped inside her pen. He knew 'they' could always be 
listening. And even though they knew how much she meant to him 
already, they didn't need to know the latest details. 

He sighed loudly, "Do you want to go for a walk then?" 

"Just let me finish this, okay?" 

"Yeah, okay," he mumbled. He turned away from her and sat down 
at his desk. He tried to busy himself by going through the mail 
that he had neglected for weeks. But his mind just wasn't in it 
and he found himself staring at her. He was remembering how she 
felt pressed against him. 

Finally, she pushed herself away from the table, took off her 
glasses, and looked at him, "Done. I sent you a copy. Don't 
worry, I didn't say much." She stood up and put her overcoat 
on. He looked around for his and became embarrassed when he 
realized he never took it off. 

They started to walk out of the office. He paused to lock the 
door. 

"I'm not worried. What could you possibly say to them that they 
haven't heard already?" 

"Last night for instance," she was trying to joke. He took it 
as a sign that she didn't want this to be difficult either. 

They stepped on the elevator and stood closely together. As the 
doors closed, Scully felt Mulder's fingers lightly feel their 
way into her palm and slowly grasp her hand. She didn't shake 
him loose. They said nothing as the elevator rose, and he 
didn't let go of her hand until the doors opened again. 

They walked to a nearby park saying very little. They reached a 
bench and sat down. He broached the subject first, "Why did you 
leave? I wanted you to stay." 

"I don't know. I guess I panicked," she replied. 

"Do you regret what happened? Do you think we made a mistake? 
Do you think you were reacting because of Daniel?" He didn't 
mean to make it sound like he was interrogating her. He just 
talked as fast as the thoughts entered his mind. He hesitantly 
said, "God, don't tell me it wasn't very good..." He hoped it 
sounded like a joke. 

She shook her head at him with a smile he was relieved to see. 
"Your ego can relax. No. I don't think any of that. I guess I 
didn't anticipate what would come after." 

"Things don't have to change Dana. Not much I mean." 

"Things have already changed. Damn it, Mulder, that's 
the second time this morning that you've called me Dana! I 
don't even remember the last time you called me Dana! Do you?" 
she spoke with a rising voice. She had let the tension get the 
better of her. 

He hoped that calling her by her first name would make things 
more comforting. Over the years, he only called her Dana during 
private moments whenever either of them opened up to the other. 
He inwardly winced. He remembered telling her not to call him 
Fox swearing he hated it and made everyone call him Mulder. She 
must have learned over the years it wasn't quite true. Her own 
mother calls him Fox. His psychological training told him he 
probably did it to keep her at a distance. It was a way to deal 
with his attraction to her. And all these years after she never 
failed him, even in that regard. 

He put his hand on hers, "I didn't mean to make things 
difficult. I don't want to fight about this. All I want to 
know is what you want to do." 

"Right now, I just want to go back to bed." 

"I like the sound of that." 

She rolled her eyes at him, "I meant that I'm tired." He put 
his hand on her shoulder and squeezed as if to say that he knew. 

"Do you want to pretend it didn't happen?" he asked. She shook 
her head, "No.". 

She paused, "What do you want, Mulder?" 

"I asked you first," he said hoping it didn't sound too childish. 

Scully thought for a few minutes. Her mind turned again to 
Colleen's words to her, about releasing the shame and telling the 
truth. 

She sighed, "I decided what I want last night. Now I just want 
to know how this will work." He was a little surprised that she 
opened up to him so quickly. Then she asked again, "What do you 
want?" 

His hand dropped back down to hers, "Same as you." Then he asked 
her, "Isn't that all that matters?" 

"You make it sound so simple." 

"We've faced much more dangerous situations than simply wanting 
to be together." 

"True," a smirk appeared on her face, "So why does this seem more 
difficult? More frightening?" 

"Probably because we're not used to being able to get what we 
want." 

"You think I'm making this more difficult than it has to be?" 

"Not consciously. What's so hard about this? Like I said 
before, things don't have to change much. The only difference is 
that we would occasionally sleep together." 

Her eyebrow rose. He shrugged and said offhandedly, "It can be 
more often, if you want." She laughed not really expecting to. 

Mulder became more serious, "Look, Scully, I'm just trying to say 
that we already have each other. We both know that. And we knew 
it before last night." 

She nodded. She knew what he was trying to say. She mumbled, 
"Yeah, I know." 

He continued like he didn't hear her, as if needed to say it to 
make it true, "We're already together, Scully, we just need to 
admit it to ourselves and one another." 

"How come you can make such reasonable rationalizations about 
this and not about our cases?" she asked in jest. 

He grinned, "Because this is more important." 

She shook her head with a laugh, "Whatever...we should be getting 
back. We have a meeting with Skinner soon." She made a move to 
stand up, but he put his hand on her arm to hold her back. He 
said, "Hey, I love you." She leaned in to him and kissed 
his cheek. "Yeah, I know. I love you too." 

"We're okay?" 

"I guess we'll find out." She offered him her hand and they 
stood up. They began walking back. 

"Do you want to come over tonight?" she asked him, "I'll make 
you dinner." 

"Depends on what you're making," he teased. She glared at him. 
"Well, if it's anything like making me tea, I'm in." 

She said, "Don't worry. I'll make it worth you're while." 

He said a little later, "I hope you don't expect me to stay over.
I gotta get some sleep. Did you know you snore?"

She shot back, "So? You grind your teeth!"

They walked back holding hands and playfully bantering back and 
forth.